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Out of the Vault: Deleted Scenes from The Earthspark: part 1

During the writing process, writers delete scenes for various reasons. It’s part of editing, and it helps create a tighter, more engaging story. As you write, what sounded great in the rough draft phase may no longer make sense with the current draft. Or it could be a really long and boring conversation between characters who are sharing a meal (I was very guilty of this when I first started). A scene may also need to be cut simply to keep the story moving. Whatever the reason, sometimes a scene just needs to be cut.

However, not everything that ends up on the cutting room floor is bad. It may still be an impactful scene that drives character growth, but slowed down the pacing of the main story. Or it was a side story that was great on its own, but didn’t move the primary narrative.

For me, these scenes are hard to eliminate. I love good banter between characters, or the extra details that are cool to know, but bog down the story. In the overall picture of the story, these scenes may not bring enough value to remain in the published manuscript, but to me they’ve been worth hanging onto. And sometimes, scenes that get cut in one book work really well in other books.

So today I wanted to share three of the scenes that I cut from THE EARTHSPARK manuscript, along with the reason I cut them. Enjoy!

Deleted Scene #1 – Tellen meets up with fellow Pathfinders after Nienna has been kidnapped by the Nightshade birds. (Deleted for pacing)

It was far into the night when Tellen and his companions stopped to rest. They’d tracked the birds far into the Ridgeback mountains. With every passing mile, the bile in Tellen’s throat grew thicker. He was a bigger fool than he’d realized. He knew he shouldn’t leave Nienna alone. Now she was in the clutches of the man with his medallion.

Aros met them around dusk and reported his men had seen a massive black bird flying toward the ruins of Celestine with a rider and a girl in its claws. The report confirmed his growing suspicion. 

The ruined city was where Tellen had sent his sister down to the depths. According to Berengard, Markus Comstock built a prison for the kingdom’s worst criminals right over the top of Fiora’s. Markus had been a git, but he was no fool. He built Solace prison here for a reason.

The night was still warm, so they did without a fire. Tellen sat back against a tree and held the fragments of Nienna’s broken shield ring in his hand. He’d never known one to break like this. The ring had exploded. Either smashed by something or too much opposing power had overwhelmed its magic.

He should have made her a ring of the purest silver. He made every shield ring he gave out in the past, and this time should have been no different. An impurity must have remained in the silver, and Nienna would pay the price because of his mistake.

“What do you have there?” Berengard asked, drawing near. His stout features matched the bear’s form he took.

Tellen turned the ring’s face so the man could see. “This was the shield ring I gave to the girl. Little good it did her,” he said bitterly.

“She was an heir of Saul,” spat Berengard. “We should leave her to her fate.”

“No,” Tellen said, anger rising within him. “She does not follow her ancestor’s footsteps.”

“This girl was special to you?” asked Dridan from nearby. His curiosity piqued.

“She’s the reason Tel is with us,” Teague said, lounging on a downed log. 

Tellen studied the silver wolf head. “Her gift has been a blessing and a curse. She brought back much in the world that was lost after I disappeared, but she also became a target for every foul thing that has reawakened.”

“She must be why so many dark creatures have congregated in this area,” said Dridan.

“Without her shield ring, she’s a beacon in the night,” Tellen said. As he stared at the ring, a thought struck him. “Berengard, how many people have these birds carried off? You said you three have been tracking them.”

Berengard did a quick count on his fingers. “They carried off thirteen people, including the girl. They made meals of twenty-three others. Like the one we came across last night.”

“Thirteen,” Tellen mused. 

The only reason the man behind this would collect Earthspark users would be to open Fiora’s cage. That would spell disaster for everyone and everything. If Fiora got loose on the world again, peace would evaporate.

“Didn’t you bury the witch closer to Silverlen?” asked Teague hopefully.

“No. I brought down the fallen city of Celestine on top of us, and Solace sits on top of the ruins.”

“If you deposited the witch near this prison, how did you end up so far north?” asked Teague.

“I must have lost my way back after I buried her. I floated among the bedrock for some time before finally coming to rest. That would explain why it took me so long to recover.”

“But you locked up the witch. There’s no way they can use mortals to release her,” Berengard said, as though trying to convince himself.

“If they have someone fresh into becoming a Pathfinder, it’s absolutely possible. Nienna took the oath nine days ago,” Tellen said. “At the moment, her power rivals mine with the medallion.”

Dread was stomping on his chest now. If this man knew to catch a Pathfinder, he knew how to free his sister. If Fiora got loose, there would be nothing stopping her from filling the valleys with her rage, and it would start with Nienna. Why did that girl have to look so much like Rei?

Tellen’s eyes roved the skies as he pleaded for help to get to Nienna in time. He’d been too late and too weak to save Rei and Fallon. What if that happened again?

He begged the Great King to help him find the strength to stop this. To save the girl that had given him hope he could feel whole again. If he didn’t, Fiora would be free and Cadaras would soon follow, allowing his two worst enemies to regain their freedom. And it would be all Tellen’s fault.

Deleted Scene #2 – Nienna makes plans with her friends after she’s attacked by Aspen on her rooftop in Alturis. (Deleted for pacing)

The gray of early dawn came in through the two-story windows of Nienna’s office. She traced a scratch on the surface of her drafting table with her finger as the Guardian paced around the room. He looked as though he’d been through a rough night himself. 

Teague sat on the iron stairs with his chin resting on his clasped hands. “Did you at least get a look at the person behind the tremors?” 

“No. But I got his scent, so we should be able to track him well enough. I don’t know if I caught up to him before he released what he was after, but I saw nothing.” Tellen ran his hands through his hair, making it stand on end. “Aros wants to meet in the woods outside Waldorman this evening to discuss a strategy.” Tellen refused to sit despite being awake all night. Maybe Guardians didn’t need much sleep.

“What of you two?” Tellen asked, turning to the guards seated by Nienna. The pair had returned ten minutes ago and were filled in on her decision to join Tellen in his hunt for the Earthspark medallion. They appeared to have aged several years. “What will you do? You’re not under the same commitment as Nienna will be. You’re free to return at any point, but there are dangers out there you can’t even imagine. Paradise Pythons being chief among them.”

Liam raised his hand.

“Yes?” Tellen asked with resignation. Liam had constantly interrupted the flow of the discussion with his questions.

“What are Paradise Pythons? I’ve never heard of such things before,” said the stocky guard.

“Feel lucky,” Teague said bitterly. “They’re the Fire Witch’s most trusted servants and the most devious.”

“But what are they?”

“Imagine seeing a common rattlesnake. Now imagine it a bright poisonous red with black stripes and double the length. Its fangs have venom that will kill you in fifteen agonizing minutes, but the pain of the bite is like being set on fire. The cure is rare, so the bite is almost always fatal. Paradise is a misnomer,” Tellen explained.  

“They should be called Death Vipers,” added Teague.

“Oh, well, if that’s all,” Liam said, looking a little green. Nienna knew he was terrified of snakes.

“Will we be able to defend ourselves against these dark creatures?” Orion asked. “You saw how we did against the grimmole.”

“With proper training and keeping a few things on hand, you can certainly defend yourselves. Your company did exceptionally well against the Hein wolves you encountered, with the two of you taking on three each. You’re more than capable. The only disadvantage will be your lack of connection with the Earthspark. But in time, I’m certain we could rectify that.”

“I will come,” Orion stated. 

His declaration hearted Nienna. She wouldn’t have to enter this strange world totally on her own.

“Twist my arm, will you?” Liam shot at Orion. “Fine, I’m coming too. But Annalynn won’t be happy.”

“Thank you, my friends,” Nienna said, touched by their loyalty.

“Yeah, well, we can’t let you go running off and having adventures without us,” Liam said. “Besides, this promotion comes with a pay raise, doesn’t it?

Deleted Scene #3 – Tellen meets up with Teague outside of Feltus. (Deleted for pacing and my writing students were devastated. They love Teague)

The streets were dark as Tellen slipped out into the night. He’d spent all day tracking his quarry, but couldn’t get close. His medallion was somewhere near Feltus. He knew it. If he only had the scent of the person carrying it, he could locate them.

As soon as he was free of the buildings, he found his wolf form and trotted away, quiet as a shadow. If he couldn’t pinpoint where his medallion was tonight, he’d at least find his friend. Teague must have a message if he sat outside the inn all evening.

Tellen’s keen wolf senses told him Teague’s most recent tracks went straight up the mountainside. The scent changed. Teague must have found his other form. 

Dead pine needles crunched beneath his feet as he approached the mouth of a cave. He stopped just in front of a low overhang. Above him on the ledge crouched a fluffy gray mountain cat. 

“Hello, Teague,” Tellen said. 

He pushed up and took on his human form once more.

The snow leopard bounded down from the ledge and stood before him.

“Do you have news for me?” Tellen asked.

“Some,” Teague said, assuming his human shape as well.

“I traced your medallion outside of town this morning, but the trail ended abruptly. It was as if the tainted Earthspark just vanished into thin air.”

“Vanished?” Tellen asked. “How?”

“I don’t know. It was like whoever it was sprouted wings and took off,” Teague said sulkily. 

Teague was one of the most brilliant trackers Tellen had ever found. If this person evaded him, they’d have to think of another plan.

“Perhaps I’ll catch the medallion’s signature again by riding with the girl and her friends,” Tellen said.

“You’re going then?” Teague asked. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I can’t very well let her go alone. She’ll be slaughtered their first night in the woods.” Tellen sat down heavily on a rock. “Maybe she can pick up on the medallion’s power where we’re blind. Her gift continues to grow.”

“Then I’ll come with you.”

“It’s going to be difficult,” Tellen hedged.

“When has it been anything different with you?” Teague asked, bemused.

“Fair enough. But there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What about?”

Tellen held up his hands in preparation. “Now, don’t get angry.”

“Angry? Why would I be angry?” Teague looked thoroughly confused.

Tellen gazed at the heavens before bringing his eyes earthward again. “I gave her Fallon’s weapons.”

Teague’s smooth veneer shattered. “You did what?!”

Deleted Scene #4 – Nienna and Aspen’s “almost kiss” in the castle barns. (Deleted because the scene changed in later revisions, but one I still loved because it shows so much of Owen’s personality.)

The sky was inky black as Aspen walked with Nienna back to the castle stables. The downpour caught up to them as they approached the city. Their clothes were drenched, but they didn’t mind. It was a warm evening. The bulk of the storm went farther east, breaking on the peaks of the Fringe in a fantastic display of lightning.
Once Fingol was put up for the night, she slung her carry bag on her shoulder and wandered over to where Aspen was finishing with his gray horse.
“I guess this is where I bid you goodnight, Master Perrill,” Nienna said, watching him put away his tack. Aspen placed his saddle on the rack and turned to face her.
“I suppose it is,” Aspen replied, leaning against the stalls. His wiry blond hair stood up in wild spikes after being out in the storm. 
“Are you up for another ride tomorrow?” she asked him.
“If it’s with you, I’m ready to go anywhere,” he replied. 
This felt like the night they parted for their schooling. She went to the university, and he went to the military academy. Her heart galloped as Aspen met her stare. He leaned in, as he’d done so many times in the past. Nienna did not move.
The sound of someone clearing their throat made the pair jump and peer around. Her brother, Owen, stood at the end of the row of stalls. A look of terrible delight glowed upon his impish face.
“Good evening,” Owen sang out.
“Owen,” Nienna said with trepidation. Aspen quickly took a step back. A shadow of fear fell across his face.
“About time you made it back. Mother has the servants running frantic trying to find you. She needs some input on what you think about a gown she picked out for my wedding before you leave tomorrow. I’d suggest you get your goodnight kiss and get to bed. You two have a long journey ahead of you.” Owen gave her his most winning smile.
Nienna had to have the worst luck in the world. Or perhaps the worst brother. How long had he been standing there?
“Lieutenant, a word, please.” Owen gave Aspen a nod and sauntered out the barn doors, whistling a lively jig.
“One day, I will wipe that obnoxious grin off his face,” Nienna said through clenched teeth.
“It is getting late,” Aspen said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Good night, my lady.”
With that, he turned and headed toward the door Owen had exited. 
Nienna trudged toward the opposite door and out into the still falling rain. By the time she made it to her chambers, Nienna was exhausted in both mind and body. Her mother showed her seven dress styles that she wanted to use for Owen’s wedding. 
She felt grateful she’d been allowed to provide an opinion. Most of the dress choices were stuffy, with high collars that would likely choke her to death. She only hoped her mother would stick with her choice. 
As Nienna opened her door, she almost didn’t notice the small white flower with a yellow center draped over her door handle. It was a bloodroot blossom. She looked around curiously, but there was no one in sight. With a smile, she picked it up, for she knew exactly who had given it to her.
Aspen gave her this flower as he kissed her goodbye behind the barn the night before leaving for the military academy. It had been her favorite flower ever since. Nienna smiled as she took the bloom and walked into her chambers. He must have snuck back up here after speaking with Owen. 
As she crossed the threshold, a piece of parchment crumpled underneath her boot. 

Well, my friend, I hope you enjoyed these deleted scenes. Comment below with your favorite ones and whether you think they should have stayed in the book.

Next week, I’m sharing another FOUR deleted scenes.

See you then!

Vanessa Thurgood

Author of the Comstock Chronicles, an epic fantasy advernture series. Check out her newest book THE FIRE DRAKE, releasing in spring of 2024.

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